I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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