I got chris browned last night
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
