worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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