Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
