Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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