she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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