and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
