if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
