Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
