you guys were way drunker than both of me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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