are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
