first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
