I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
