he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
