feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
