Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
