come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
