I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
