That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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