i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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