I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize