i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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