Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
