I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
