He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
