If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
