Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
