omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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