Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
