ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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