I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
