i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We need a shit load of segways right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
