dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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