Who did Billy Mays play for?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
