the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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