yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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