Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
