matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
