Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
