I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
