Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
