i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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