i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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