can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't think brook has ever known best
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She even gives head with a lisp.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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