I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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