why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
