I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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