the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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