I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
