I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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