nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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