Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You are the jesus of drinking
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
