I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
