last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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