every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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