We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
