How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?