Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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