Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.