Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.

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  (610): Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry. http://tfl.nu/7qgs
  Replies (38) Good night (5322) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?

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  (718): You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish? http://tfl.nu/wvgn
  Replies (28) Good night (8642) Bad night (1455)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"

  (205): View more from Alabama

  pick me up NOW

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  (205): they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve" (205): pick me up NOW http://tfl.nu/weqr
  Replies (17) Good night (1225) Bad night (4735)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

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  (765): Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom. http://tfl.nu/gaio
  Replies (32) Good night (3262) Bad night (5821)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

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  (734): she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help. http://tfl.nu/iorj
  Replies (29) Good night (1442) Bad night (5119)
• Favorite

  (+82): View more from South Korea

  Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.

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  (+82): Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too. http://tfl.nu/v8p8
  Replies (6) Good night (2381) Bad night (1148)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml

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  (507): The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it h http://tfl.nu/rzj1
  Replies (6) Good night (531) Bad night (1928)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon

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  (716): this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon http://tfl.nu/3rl3
  Replies (10) Good night (3048) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.

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  (605): but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair. http://tfl.nu/hd3s
  Replies (4) Good night (1421) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.

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  (646): He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that. http://tfl.nu/szno
  Replies (6) Good night (1260) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.

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  (608): Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli. http://tfl.nu/5kl3
  Replies (1) Good night (1645) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR

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  (781): THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR http://tfl.nu/6l4g
  Replies (7) Good night (1741) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels

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  (440): My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels http://tfl.nu/oz5l
  Replies (11) Good night (419) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.

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  (202): She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home. http://tfl.nu/t0al
  Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  This is why you're my favorite TA

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  (908): would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours (615): This is why you're my favorite TA http://tfl.nu/ulv5
  Replies (0) Good night (303) Bad night (231)

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