cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...