I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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