I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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