Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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