Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
