Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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