been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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