i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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