i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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