I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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