so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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