i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize