apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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