It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
