I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize