oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
