I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
