i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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