You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
