they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
