Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
