I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
