I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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