Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
